Groaners of the Week - Animal Crackers
Special request from an unnamed reader: "Hey, Garry, can you write a short joke about a hungry elephant?"
Sure, entirely credible (yet strangely anonymous) reader: An elephant finds a peanut. He's so hungry that he picks up the peanut in his trunk and eats it. That is my truncated joke.
What kind of boots does a hippopotamus wear in the water? Hippo waders.
Where do you find giraffe beer? Any bar that serves long necks.
What should an actor wear to a cattle call audition in Hawaii? A muumuu.
Where do snakes molt? In the shed.
Why are ladybugs bad at hiding? They are frequently spotted.
What's the difference between a French Impressionist and a grizzly bear? One is Claude Monet and the other has clawed many.
It's (Ad)Just a Joke
This week's joke that will be re-adjusted comes from joker Jass Richards on the Funny Short Jokes site:
How many swimmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Don’t know yet. They keep getting electrocuted.
My take:
How many swimmers does it take to change a light bulb?
At least two, but they need to be synchronized.
Sad Note: Keeping comedy legend Martin Short and his whole family in my thoughts, as they mourn the loss of Katherine Short. Life is precious, everyone, even helpers, need help, and help is always nearer than you think. 9-8-8 Suicide Prevention Resources in The United States.
I think my cup runneth over and so would have this sentence, if I hadn't stopped here.
I think if one of Snow White's seven dwarves had been named Psycho, that story would not have had a happy ending.
I think the State of the Union Address reminds us that nothing brings the country together like watching someone telling us how great things are and another person rebutting it immediately afterwards,
I think the winter Olympics were great; they reminded me to stay inside and off the ice.
I think if rock icon Steve Miller were an eagle making his way through the alphabet, he would fly like an eagle to the C.
I think I may have had a mental lapse this week.
I think it annoys me when my wife leaves her breakfast dishes in the sink, and I call it irritable bowl syndrome.
I think dyslexically skating you're on thin ice is pretty, mister.
I think I have animal magnetism, I have cat hair stuck to me everywhere.
I think one of the great mysteries is what do taste buds really taste like?
I think it is terrible they have stopped making pennies; I can't make any cents out of it.
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