The Joke's Ennui is "going dark" until late August. However, here are some jokes to keep you company or, if you will, summer reading material. Enjoy the 250th!
Groaners of the Summer
What do you do on the last day of school? Skool-daddle!
What do you call summer vacation for teachers? Check, please?
How do you keep from getting sunburned? Don't go to their roasts.
How do old people spend their summers? Driving their cars slowly in front of yours.
America is So Old Jokes
America is so old that England doesn't even remember we were their colony.
America is so old that it is still wondering when Hawaii will have grandchildren.
America is so old it can't remember the Alamo.
America is so old that the original "Dancing with the Stars" was called "The Star-Spangled Banner."
America is so old that Charles Grassley was just elected for his first term when it was formed.
America is so old that it is on Social Security and Medicare.
America is so old that it calls "The Old West" the west.
America is so old that it can't remember where it left its Francis Scott Key.
America is so old that the Gulf of America remembers when it used to be called the Gulf of Mexico.
America is so old that running for their lives was the original Americans' pastime.
America is so old that the Mason-Dixon Line now is "Take George Washington, please!"
America is so old that the Old Chisholm Trail was originally called the new Chisholm deer path.
America is so old that there are now 176 trombones in the big parade.
America is so old that Uncle Sam has been replaced by the actors who play Colonel Sanders.
America is so old that it remembers when we had a world war; we got a second one for free.
America is so old that Neil Diamond was born in America--Today!
America is so old that our flags have had more stars on them than the Grand Ol' Opry stage.
America is so old that it needs someone to cut its food up for it.
America is so old that it doesn't get "6/7".
America is so old that it remembers when we only had 13 colonies and couldn't crown our good from sea to shining sea.
America is so old that Clint Eastwood would have to play it in the movies.
Things I Think I Will Think About All Summer
I think fire hydrants should have handles on them like toilets; to make them easier to flush.
I think city buses should have jingly music like ice cream trucks, then you'd be sure that people would make it to the bus stop on time.
I think kids who run lemonade stands should have to collect sales tax, just so they can learn how to make change and deal with griping.
I think city pools should use the stuff that makes pee turn colors, so you know who to stay away from in the shallow end.
I think that someone needs to come up with a light summer reading light.
I think grandparents need to charge for babysitting services, if nothing else, to cover the cost of their Depends.
I think new college graduates should take a year off before starting their careers, just to give the older workers a shot at getting a good job.
I think that the pop song of the summer should be called "The Pop Song of The Summer"--that way we can all know it (and perhaps, avoid its infectiousness).
I think we should celebrate America's 250th anniversary by saying Semiquincentennial three times fast. (Also, can we land on just one name for it? Bisesquicentennial, the Sestercentennial, and the Quarter Millennium, really?)
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