Welcome back (or welcome, if this is your first visit). As this is a first post for a new year, it will be my pleasure to offer the freshest jokes from my rapidly aging brain--so, don't expect too much.
All Ages Groaners for the New Year
Did you hear about the grumpy fisherman who could never catch anything? He was always fishing for compliments.
Do you know what a basketball team made up of pastry chefs is called? The Bakers Dozen.
I tried to find the state abbreviation for Montana on the internet, but it came up MT.
Do you know how to measure a mountain? You take the base, add it to the height, and then summit.
It's Adjust A Joke
I will select a random joke that I found on the internet and then attempt to "fix" the joke with a "better" punchline. If you want to try your hand, use the comment section to do so. It'll be fun, I promise!
This one comes from Upjoke
How does a tree access the internet?
They log in.
Now, my punchline:
How does a tree access the internet?
I don't know. But if a tree with an iPhone falls in the forest, Siri says, "I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that."
Improvement? Use the comments box to offer something better!
Things I Think I Thought
I think it is about time we get to the bottom of who the New Year's baby's parents really are. I mean, who leaves a newborn in the hands of some random old dude who is clearly on his way out?
I think it a real disservice to a genie in recovery to put them back in the bottle.
I think that Neil Diamond wasn't thinking clearly when he wrote "Forever in Blue Jeans"--I mean, you've got to wash them sometimes.
I think, in a sense, that smoke from burning incense, in making an ascent, is also making a scent.
I think that composers should be careful when they write lively symphonic music, because musicians do need a rest now and then.
I think I would like morel mushroom hunting more if I didn't come home morel-less.
I think I will breathe easier knowing that you can't cough up a lung.
I think a formal dance for chickens would be a fowl ball.
I think it would be good to know where you could find the definition of the word dictionary.
I think I could be less argumentative if people would always agree that I'm right.
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