Joke Pile #506

 Groaner of the Week

Pavlov had a dog whom he famously made salivate each time he rang a certain bell. However, Pavlov also tried to teach the dog to paddle a small rowboat. But, because the boat was made for humans, the dog couldn't manage to paddle the boat. So, Pavlov made a smaller, dog-sized boat with dog-sized oars. Sadly, between adjusting to the boat and all the bells ringing, he made the dog a little dinghy.

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

The substitute teacher said to the children, "Okay, settle down. I'm Ms. Foster, and when I call your name, please answer, 'here.'" 

So, she called the first name on the list, "Amy Andrews?" There was no answer. So she repeated, "Amy Andrews?" No answer. "Okay, I guess Amy isn't here, so let's go on." 

Suddenly she saw a shy hand go up. "Yes, what is it?"

"Miss Foster, I'm Amy Andrews."

The teacher said, "Then why didn't you answer 'here' when I called your name?

"Well, you said that when you called your name to answer 'here.' I was waiting for you to call 'your name.'" 

Things I Think I Thought

I think that  Isaac Newton is rightly remembered for many discoveries, but his idea to use warm leftover turkey broth as an afternoon pick-me-up and calling it "gravy tea" isn't among them.

I think that when the truck carrying timepieces flipped over on the interstate, the state patrol said many people were clocked at over 70 miles an hour.

I think it is very dismissive of chemists when they refer to the fifth element as such a complete Boron.

I thought of going to work at IHOP, but then I think I waffled.

I think I would rather nurse a Mary than be a mercenary.

I think that being a sponge would have its advantages, but losing weight easily would not be among them.

I think that I'm closed to the idea of being open to the suggestion of a hypnotist.

I think a great book about cleaning your bathtub out might be called "Grim and Pumice-ment."

I think it is wonderful that Johann Bach's dad pushed his lackadaisical son to put musical suites together, in fact he pleaded for his "sonata get rondo it."

I think a good book about grandpa busting out of his britches might be called "The Old Man and the Seam."

I think it would be impossible for a horticulturist to know how to philodendron.