Groaner of the Week
Two philosophers walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be?" The first philosopher says, "That is an interesting query, depending on what you mean by 'it'." The second philosopher says, "I believe that 'it' is an existential query: if 'it' be the here and now, what else can 'it' be but here, now?" The bartender says, "I don't know about here and now, but we've Bud Light and Busch Light." The two philosophers look at each other and they exclaim to the bartender, "Well then, enlighten us!"
Potential Bumper Snarkers: "One Big Beautiful Bill Act
DOGE: It really took 266 elected government officials to give 813 billionaires what they wanted?
Drug crisis at the border? No, we have an OBBBA dose problem in DC.
No use crying OBBBA spilled milk (because it was part of SNAP cuts).
What do you get when you add 215 + 51? Tax cuts for billionaires and closed rural hospitals.
Things I Think The Founders Thought: 4th of July Edition*
John Hancock: "I think that they are making too much of a big deal over a little signature."
Thomas Jefferson: "I think it would be so witty to willfully provide ample shading to olde wood choppers, George Washington, if I wrote 'We hold these tooths to be self-evident in the Declaration of Independence."
John Adams: "Then Abigail says to me, "Really, John, you say 'All men are created equal'? I think 'all men' should darn their own socks and 'all men' should get up at three in the morning to feed their children breast milk. 'All men, ' my fanny.""
William Williams: "I think with a name like mine, history will remember me doubly kindly as a signer of the Declaration of Independence."
Button Gwinnett: "I think that I will serve long as acting governor of Georgia. Let's see, where did I put my dueling pistol?"
Josiah Bartlett: "I think and predict that when they invent the television, they will have a weekly play wherein I portray a national leader who occupies the western portion of an alabaster house. I should very much like Martin Sheen for the role."
John Penn: "I think that people will be surprised that I represent North Carolina."
Benjamin Franklin: "I think 'a stitch in time saves nine' is catchier than 'snitches get stitches.'"
William Ellery: "I think that just because I wear a powdered wig and satin clothes, it is a mystery why they refer to me as Ellery 'Queen'. Though admittedly, I do slay."
Robert Morris: "I think it would be a good idea to have a national bank, but let Hamilton be the secretary of it, he is a calmer mind than I."
Francis Lightfoot Lee: "I think that if any of my descendants should be involved in a civil war, I will light my foot on fire."
Benjamin Rush: "I think I will sign it, but as a medical doctor, I hope people can make my signature out."
Carter Braxton: "So we fight the British, what's the worst that could happen to me?"
George Clymer: "I think it is rude when I am referred to as a 'social Clymer', I merely like people."
Arthur Middleton: "I hope I get to spend some time in St. Augustine. I think it would be to get away from my South Carolina property for a while."
George Taylor: "I think raising myself up out of indentured servitude will make me well-remembered. I bet you bullets to bunions on that point."
*Some of these include a little bit of history
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