Joke Pile #505

Groaner of the Week

According to the American Dental Association,  now is the best time to see your dentist for fillings you may have neglected. An easy way to remember this:  "When November came, Novocaine!" (Were you expecting "Fillings, nothing more than fillings?")

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

How do you know when a turtle is farting? It moves forward just a little bit faster.

Things I Think I Thought

I think a man-eating podium would have to be called Hannibal Lectern.

I think flannel sheets are lint waiting to happen.

I think if you open a quick alterations shop and don't call it "Tailor Swift" that you are making "Eras" in judgment. (Or, maybe, you like Option B: "Life as a Sew Girl"?)

I think archers in bad relationships have cross beaus to blame.

I think it must be confusing for Spanish-speaking people to appreciate Porky Pig (Looney Tunes cartoons) popularity: Por qué Porky Puerca? Porque Porky Puerca está el porqué. (Why Porky Pig? Because Porky Pig is the reason.)

I think it's a hard pass for me when it comes to catching a ball from Patrick Mahomes.

I think that the "deer in the headlights" look is an opportunity that fashion designers have missed.

I think a full moon is a beautiful sight unless it is coming from the car window next to you. 

I think that if you are an archaeologist working at Quizno's you should have to wear their cuneiform. 

I think that it could be a stretch to go to yoga class.

I think that the next time there is a time change, we each should pick the hour that works best for us.

I think that feather quilts should be called "duck 'n covers."

I think that if I ever have a 24-hour gym, I'll call it "Quits."