Pile #498

 Groaner of the Week

What should you do when you plant a walnut, oak, or pecan tree? Act like nutting's going to happen.

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

Why do people tiptoe quietly through the haunted woods? Because you have to slow down in a ghoul zone.

Things I Think I Thought

I think preconceived notions are closer than they appear.

I think poultry processing plants should have to post a sign that says, "The cluck stops here."

I think that if the world is made up of 70% water and people are 60% water, the statistics are watered down.

I think we need a clearer definition of what "available for a limited time" actually is.

I think that bicyclists are a gear-shifty bunch.

I think Etta James favorite thing in her car, besides her man, was her Atlas (my love has come along).

I think, to really become good at paradiddles, a percussionist has to develop drumstick-to-itiveness.

I think that there is nothing more freeing than a pardon from the governor.

I think that in the pantheon of history, Siri would have to ask, "Did you mean Parthenon?"

I think that if you want to give as good as you get, it is a breakeven proposition.

I think that we should take out our hostilities and leave them there.

I think replicas are both copied and duplicated.

I think certain poisonous snakes are easily rattled.