Joke Pile #497

 

Groaner of the Week

An absent-minded woman brought her car to the garage because it was making odd sounds. The mechanic asked, "Can you describe the noise and when you last heard it?" The woman replied, "It's a soft thumping sound. I last heard it when I went over the railroad tracks just before I got here." The mechanic thanked her for the information and set off to diagnose the problem. 

About an hour later, the mechanic called the woman. "I think I figured out where the noise was coming from," he said. "But before I tell you what I think it is, I need to ask you a question?" The woman was puzzled but said, "Sure, what is it?" The mechanic said, "Was your husband acting oddly this morning?" The woman replied, "I don't know, we haven't been getting along, and he said he was going to go golfing this morning. Why is that important?" The mechanic replied, "Well, the sound you were hearing was him in the trunk, where I found him with his golf bag and a big lump on his head. He said he was banging on the trunk lid with both fists, but you kept on driving."

Bonus Groaner

Q: What does an oak tree and Congress have in common? 

A: They're both full of nuts and unusually squirrelly.

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

Q: What always comes before a fall? 

A: Summer

Things I Think I Thought

I think hip-hop artists probably solve problems by rapping their heads around them.

I think it is hard to envision a ftre without u in it.

I think that when a grocery store has a big display of salad toppings by its entrance, they are doing it for window dressing.

I think if you are paying attention, you should get attention.

I think that only financiers and folks into sadomasochism love stocks and bonds.

I think getting burned by making a steak in the bottom of the oven is a broil pain.

I think some pears like to bosc in the glow of other pears.

I think if you wear your heart on your sleeve, you had better have very long arteries and veins.

I think an audiophile veterinarian would likely only treat woofers and tweeters.

I think if you follow proper etiquette, a fork in the road would always be on the left side.

Finally, I think I'm looking forward to wearing my vinyl cap to see Spinal Tap taking a final lap at the movies this Friday.