Joke Pile #496

Mark Twain

Groaner of the Week*(based on a true story)

Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) visited my city (Iowa City) via train in 1869 on a sold-out speaking tour. However, upon arrival, he injured his hip while stepping off of a trolley. As a result, he was irritable and his speaking engagement did not go well. But the train tour continued. Lowes and Lerner of Broadway fame (had they written a musical about it) might have surmised that "Twain in pain stayed mainly on the train." 

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

Billie and Bobby were first graders who lived next door to each other. One day, Billie asked Bobby to be her boyfriend. 

Bobby told Billie that he didn't want to be her boyfriend. 

Billie asked, "Why not?" 

Bobby said, "Because you'd want to hold hands."

Billie said, "Would not. Now, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Bobby said, "No, because you'd want me to be nice to you all the time." 

Billie said, "Would not. Now, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Bobby said, "No, because you'd want me to kiss you and be mushy." 

Billie said, "No, I wouldn't."

Bobby said, "But, why not?"

Billie said, "Why not? We haven't even been on a date yet."

Things I Think I Thought

Every time I think about autumn, I fall all over myself.

I think of a morning long ago when I dropped a handful of forks, and I think about it tine and tine again.

I think if I were a knight who was good with jagged knives, I'd like to be called Sir Rated.

I think that if I were experiencing discomfort while crafting, I would be hard pressed to chose between origami or a gummy.

I think I'm afraid of abrading myself while Boogie boarding and that won't even approach scratching the surf face.

I think Franz Liszt will and testament might also be called Liszt's last list.

I think it would be easy for a painter to lose weight if they use thinner.

I think The Thompson Twin's 80's big hit " Hold Me Now" would also be their Doppel Banger.

I think when a person is said to be as slow as molasses, it is a viscous rumor.

I think with online shopping all brick-and-mortar stores are inconvenient stores.

I think it would be interesting to see someone to search for "Google search" on Google.

I think curious mountain climbers with anger issues probably pique their interest in a fit of pique when they peek at a mountain peak.