Joke Pile #495

 Groaner of the Week 

Definition of a Recreational Vehicle: A home away from home that costs you more than your home, in the long run.

Groaner of the Week Kid's Edition

Mom: Time to get up and go to school. 

Kid: But I don't want to go to school.

Mom: You don't want to be dumb, do you? Smart people go to school.

Kid: Mom, you and Dad went to school, right?

Mom: Yes, we did.

Kid: In that case, you gotta give me a better reason than that to go.

Things I think I Thought

I think a place in my neighborhood where you go to learn is school by me.

I think this is the happiest I've been since the moment after I was unhappiest.

I think health insurance may be the difference from being inured to being in urn-ed.

I think my happy place has gone co-op.

I think it is great to see eggs in stores (backed by ovular demand).

I think people who play cards alone live a solitaire existence.

I think it is marvelous to marvel less.

I think damp skin should dry on its own, but I won't talc it for granted.

I think that if a genie granted me a wish, I'd wish for a million granted wishes.

I think a baby ink blot should be called an inkling.

I think that it would be fun to go up to a geologist and ask what he has on his schist list.

I saw a heap of those fancy screwtops of old lamps and thought this must be their finial resting place.

I think the sick kids of old soldiers who served in the French Foreign Legions must have Legion heirs disease.

I think stealing from a mushroom factory might lead to in-crimini-ating evidence.

I think it would be inhibiting to be prohibiting.

I think if you died on vacation, it would be terrible to go out on a limbo.

I think some people who go to jail frequently are awful at being lawful.

I think if you need glasses, go to a Lens Crafter, but if have cataracts, go to a lens grafter.