Joke Pile #494

Groaner of the Week

Buddy and Bill were two elderly men who met regularly at their favorite restaurant. 

"Buddy, it's good to see you," said Bill. 

"Bill, it's good to see you, too," said Buddy, glancing at his menu. 

Bill said, "Listen, Buddy, you'd tell me if I was slipping, wouldn't you?" 

Buddy replied, "Of course, I would, Bill." 

Bill said, "That's good to hear."

Buddy said, "And you'd tell me if I was slipping, wouldn't you, Bill?"

Bill said, "You know I would, Buddy. Hey,  Clara's heading this way. You ready to order?"

Buddy said, "Yep, I could use some coffee. I'm a little cold. Is it drafty to you, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yep. I was gonna say that, too. Just part of getting old, I guess."

Clara, their regular server, came to the table, "Buddy and Bill, how many times do I have to tell you that you gotta wear your pants when you come in here?" 

Groaner of the Week - Kid's Edition

What do you call a frog that is dry, bumpy, and lives in the woods? A toad. (If anyone asks, tell them I toad you so.)

Things I Think I Thought

I think that aerospace engineers who skip noontime meals experience a failure to lunch.

I think, if I were at a restaurant, I'd want to know where the tossed salad had been tossed before I ordered it.

I think talk of side muscles to physical therapists is oblique to them.

I think both "Bonnie and Clyde" and "The Shawshank Redemption" are con flicks of interest.

I think there's a thin line between the two sides of a piece of dental floss.

I think it would be cool if gifts could be like a Roomba and present themselves.

I think that if people talk behind your back and say you're lazy, that's just idle gossip.

I think there has got to be a hypotenuse somewhere who longs to take the scenic route.

I think being a music composer would be notable.

I think wary must be especially careful around weary, because it suspects that weary took its 'e'.

I think if you are afraid of words that sound the same but have different spellings or meanings, you suffer from homophonia.

I think if your house has a second mortgage and catches fire, there would be collateral damage.

I think I would be en garde around swordfish.

I think that a person who so loved good food would be an epic epicurean.

I think that if I could save time in a bottle, I would have to roll it up very tightly to make it fit in that small opening.

I think that if I had a job in a toothpick factory, I'd probably stick with it.