Joke Pile #492

Groaner of the Week

A first-time golfer is out on the course and ripped his first drive deep into the woods. His playing partner, taking pity on him offered to let him take a mulligan. "What's a mulligan?" the newbie asked. His playing partner said, "Well, that's when you get to have a bad shot not count against you." The newbie said, "Well, that is very kind of you. Yes, I will take that mulligan." Then his playing partner said, "Why don't you tee it up again?" The first-timer did it and sliced it worse than the first time. "Crap," he said, "I don't suppose I can have a mull-again?"

Jeffrey Epstein's Short List

1) Everybody who'd be afraid that I have a list and wouldn't want anyone to know that they are on it.

2) You know who you are.

Things I Think I Thought

I think that if I was accused of stealing other people's material and went to court over it, it would put me in a jokes-deposed position.

I think talking about lethargy is wearying.

I think that if I were traveling the Sahara by dromedary in the dark, I would need a pack of camel lights. 

I think if your scanty underwear gets wet while swimming, that's another definition of a dipthong.

I think that when you buy flooring that can be installed any which way, that makes it vice versatile.

I think that when you ask a person not to be so difficult, they will go out of their way to show you their level of difficulty.

I think that if you deliver letterhead and envelopes, you probably would ride a stationery bike.

I think that all plays are wordplays.

I think the voice of reason would probably begin at middle C.

I think that when giant cephalopods help each other out for mutual gain, it is squid pro quo.

I think that those who can, can, and those who can't, recant.

I think I will not show people pictures of my wife I took when she was mad at me, in light of resent developments.

I think that a neologism once was a neologism.

I think my inner-cowboy wants me to be hogtied, hornswaggled, and hamshackled all at once, just to see how that turns out.

I( think that elementary school kids have always been impolite, and that is where the word 'rudimentary' came from.

RIP Tom Lehrer

For folks too young or normal to know, Tom Lehrer, the satirical genius and sometimes mathematic professor, died at the ripe young age of 97. Long before AI and Google, Dr. Lehrer was a font who translated the periodic table of elements into a Gilbert & Sullivan operatic selection. Further, he tackled political issues with tongue firmly planted in cheek. It is for this reason, I dredged up this from YouTube so that you can enjoy his remains--I mean his performance:

his performance.