Joke Pile #478

Groaner of the Week

I told my wife that I had something in common with our favorite florist: Tulips for you! That was when I learned about their affair…

Flower Puns

If you like planting flowers, good luck and Iris you well.

I tripped over a flower. Oopsy, daisy. Then I rose…

I made a floral arrangement of a monkey, actually Chimp-pansies.

What do you say to an early spring flower? Hiya, Cinth.

Like, totally tubular flowers? Lilies of the Valley, girls.

What do you call small late summer flowers? Mini-mums.

What’s yellow and black and goes round and round? Black-eyed (Lazy) Susans.

Things I Think I Thought

I think that between t and v there is no excuse for u, although there is one in excuse.

I think that it is smart to get a second opinion as whether you are really as smart as you think you are.

I think that Wiley Coyote really needs to rethink his Acme Products "Prime" purchases.

I think that I have reached my exasperation date.

I think  that gardeners have the right idea: go outside and play in the dirt.

I think that when it comes to selecting good playground equipment, it is a jungle-gym  out there.

I think that if you are looking for a sign, “STOP” is a good one.

I think there is no reason to be a mad nomad as long as you have wanderlust.

I think marriage is the most wholesome thing that can happen to a bank account.

I think that if you have fur, it can be inferred that it should insured.

I think if your name is Walt and you are from Warsaw (and you like track and field), then you'd be a natural Pole, Walter.

I think that dog owners don’t know their pets have fleas, unless they start from scratch.