Joke Pile #475

 

Groaners of the Week

The beauty contestant's talent of reciting the Gettysburg Address and extolling the virtues of walnuts was so confusing to the judges that they awarded her the title of Miss Construed.

Singer of the 1989 classic "Funky Cold Medina" reportedly lost his hearing but has decided to roll on with a new stage name: Tone (Lōc) Def

As a 50's beatnik might say, "Jokes, like, these are enough to make a groan, man." 😭

Things I Think I Thought

I think that building a reservoir dam should be called a resurrection.

I think Aristotle believed that he was an empty vessel and that learning was how to fill a Sophic hole. 

I think that if push came to shove, it would be a tie.

I think apparel should be spelled 'll'. 

I think a competitive sprint of follicly-challenged men could be called balderdash.

I think there is too much Idol chit-chat on those singing competition shows.

I think I'm entitled to "My Own Opinion."

I think a pronouncement would be something like "In my opinion, you look good today!"

I think a lion wearing leggings is where the word 'leotard' was derived.

I think when two concrete companies merge, they have cemented the deal.

I think when you have mismatched forks, you know you are living in disparate tines.