Joke Pile #464

Today's joke pile is dedicated to my North Carolinian friend Susan Devaney, who is having her shoulder replaced today. Replaced by what is anybody's guess.

Groaner of the Week

Three things you don't want in a shoulder surgery: Someone making a clavicle error, someone dropping the scapula, and anyone finding anything humerus about this kind of surgery.

Bonus Groaner

Did you hear about the guy who always used an electric razor to take lint off his garments? He liked a clothes shave.

Things I Think I Thought

I think it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all unless what you have loved whinnies.

I think that the jury is still out on jurisprudence.

I think that if you combine a preacher and a strong-smelling cleaning solution, you would become unwittingly parsimonious.

I think winter athletes who fall off those tiny sleds at those icy courses are de-luge-inal.

I think I overthink things so much, it's like I never thought about it at all.

I think I could never work for Oscar Meyer as a meat inspector because I would never want to pick weiners and losers.

I think that pythons probably have snake trails when being repaired that are posted as "Constriction Zones."

I think unfurling and raising sails is rigger-ous work.

I think the only reason opposites attract is that birds of a feather that flock together are subject to the avian flu.

I think that most South American pigs don't really die, they tapir off--the planet.

I think that the only reason to read instead of jumping in a deep well is because it is better to be well-read than to be well red. 

I think it is so easy to be critical, especially if you're in an ICU.

I think it is possible to sum things up concisely, although maybe not if you're not good at math.

I think that if there was a fish cover band of Metallica, it should be called Enter Salmon.