Joke Pile #461

 

This joke pile is bittersweet. I took a hiatus from posting my jokes in April of 2023--I thought people didn't read them, and it felt like a "vanity project," something I generally detest. When I heard my dear friend and former work colleague Jamie was seriously ill, I started writing them to cheer her up, as she and I never met a pun we didn't like. Sadly, this past Saturday, she passed on. It is in her memory that I am continuing to write these jokes. If you knew Jamie, you would know why. She was not a quitter, not even when faced with the worst punchline ever written--the end.

Groaner of the Week

The book editor was a stickler for good punctuation to the point that if she detected comma-use errors, she would develop cramps in her feet that made her toes freeze up. "Comma-toes," was how she described it.

Holiday Groaner of the Week

What do a lobster and a certain tattletale elf have in common? They are both shelf-ish.

Things I Think I Thought

I think Saint Nicklaus must be the patron saint of chronology, aka: Nick of Time.

I think solving an algebraic equation is like stabbing myself with a fork.

I think Christmas stockings are good, but Christmas stalkings are not.

I think when you send an AI porcupine, it has no e-quill. 

I think I felt like I stepped on something, and it turned out to be eight tiny reindeer pulling a sleigh.

I think it is great that Christmas and Hanukkah start on the same day, I think Jesus is probably conflicted, though.

I think all toaster stores are pop-up shops.

I think that when a cat decides to circle before sitting on your lap, it is a lap in judgment.

I think that if the numbers don't change, it's "statistics quo."

I think that when one restaurant door opens, someone is likely flattened on the other side.

I think the best invention never made would be a multi-use utensil made out of bacon called a "porkspork."

I think that if on the night before Christmas, nothing is stirring not even a mouse--check for a gas leak and get a carbon dioxide detector!

I think for carpenters, things even out on the next level.