Joke Pile #460

 Groaner of the Week

A pro golfer was pulled over by the county sheriff outside a small town with very few visible speed limit signs. The patrolman said, "Did you know you were going 65 in a 35 MPH zone? The golfer said, "No, officer, but would you mind if I got a golf club out of my trunk?" The officer was puzzled, but he humored the man, who he recognized as a PGA golfer. The golfer rummaged through his golf bag and said, "I think this one might do the trick." The officer said, "Do you mind if I ask you why you selected that particular club?" The golfer said, "I usually use this to get out of sand traps, but I hoped it also works on speed traps, too."

Bonus (Shorter) Groaner

What is the difference between donations to charities and the lower leg of a duck? One is a deduction and the other is the duck shin.

That's Entertainment News

Taylor Swift ended her Eras Tour in Vancouver, British Columbia with three sold-out shows. Afterward, she and Travis Kelce reportedly hit the local bars, and made many stops in what they kiddingly called the "EraseTour."

Mentalist entertainer Joseph Kresge, Jr. widely known as The Amazing Kreskin passed away this week at 89. Boy, how did he not see that coming?

Eminem, who recently lost 30 pounds, is reportedly appearing in Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore sequel as a caddy. This begs the question, "Will the real slim caddy please stand up?" 

Ring, the maker of doorbells that video-record activity in and around houses, is trying to solve an apparent software glitch that does not allow cameras to capture eight tiny reindeer or people in red velvet suits on your rooftop. 

Sabrina Carpenter is taking time off the road. In a brief statement, Carpenter said, "A girl can only 'Espresso' much, and then she just has to chill for a while."

Things I Think I Thought

I think it is interesting how close ingratiate and ingrate are in both the dictionary and practice. 

I think Ebenezer Scrooge was really ghosted.

I think even if you put Liquid Gold in the freezer, it will never become a gold bar.

I think if Prince had put bars of creamy soap in dry ice, he'd have seen for himself what happens when Doves cry(ogenically freeze).

I think navel-gazing is sad, but navel-grazing is something you should give up for lint.

I think that when people say "the end justifies the means," I don't think they are talking about the average number of closing titles of movies in 2024.