Joke Pile #459

 Groaner of the Week: It wasn't clear whether the elf on the shelf told an untruth to Santa but imp lied.

Things I Think I Thought

After all the Black, Small Business, Cyber, and Giving stuff, I think that the rest of the week should include Wracked With Remorse Wednesday and There Goes My Credit Score Thursday.

I think I came up with the perfect use for the leftover turkey carcass: I filled our bathtub with it and made soup. I think the only downside is that I forgot to clean the tub before my wife used it.

I think I have tinnitus, that or the Salvation Army bell ringers are back at it.

I think that cats purr on your lap to lull you into a false sense of security.

I think I am not crazy about the old reality show I'm watching at home. I just go into the bathroom, stare at myself in the mirror, and shake my head in disbelief. 

I think it is quite beautiful to watch the first snowfall of the year and also the first person to fall in the snow.

I think I need more friends. I found myself thanking the self-checker at the grocery store for asking me if I would like to round up my purchase to help the local food bank.

I don't think I have a sick sense of humor, although I often have a funny feeling when a joke is coming on.

I think it is possible to enjoy the holidays alone. In fact, it may be the only way.

Remember when Lincoln said "A house divided against itself cannot stand"? I think the members of the US House are so divided that they can't stand each other.

I think if I accidentally run into Joe Biden before he leaves office, I'll say, "Pardon me" and hope he does.

I think that the way things are going, Trump is going to need a furniture repairer to fix his Cabinet.