Groaner of the Week
The ornery cat was so vicious that when he attacked, he was teethed to the arm.
Bad Band Name Ideas: 1st Edition
The Poll Lice
Mom Jovi
Pom Tetty and the Fartbreakers
Runs 'n Noses
Depressed Mode
Ears For Beers
Boyz 2 Mange
Nude Kids on the Block
Color Me Dadd
Yeastie Boys
Run-DMV
And This Just In
The ghost of Luciano Pavarotti has requested that the Trump campaign not use his version of "Ave Maria" at rallies. Said Pavarotti's ghost "I may be dead, but I still have a right to my standards."
Voters in swing states are setting up GoFundMe for donations in preparation for moving to another country on November 6th when they expect protestors armed with pitchforks to come looking for them. Pennsylvania voter and GoFunder Steve Friedman said, "I know my vote is important but I also want an exit strategy, just in case."
FEMA workers in western North Carolina are happy to see the National Guard deployed so that they can render aid to those in need. A FEMA employee who wished to remain anonymous said, "Who knew by me doing my job, I would become a Federal emergency?"
Riddled with Guilt
Why don't violinists ever toss their instruments to one another? They don't want to be responsible for a violin overthrow.
Things I Think I Thought
I think aircraft pilots should be okay calling their own flatulence 'prevailing tailwinds'.
I think that if Beyoncé ever starts a roofing company, it should be called 'Shingle Ladies.'
I think festivals in California should be called calibrations.
I think the whole thing about manholes is the hole thing.
I think that if you are in a quandary you should stay there until help arrives.
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