Groaner of the Week: As a lot of independently-minded people do, I like the fall. After all, it is the most autumn-mous season.
Bonus Groaner: The little hammer with a bad attitude was mallet-adjusted.
It's News To Me
JD Vance and Tim Walz squared off in the Vice-Presidential Debate. Spokesperson Lindsay Pugh for CBS who hosted the poorly-watched debate said, "Where were Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce when we needed them?"
Hurricane Helene caused so much widespread damage that FEMA instituted the Pottery Barn "you break it, you bought it policy on the hurricane to pay for the damage.
A woman in Pennsylvania was asked what she thought about the presidential candidates' migration solutions. She replied, "I don't know, but the way they talk about them talk is, oh my, grating!
Melania Trump in a recent interview said her husband is a "family man." I guess she meant he's a member of a crime family.
The baby pygmy hippo Moo Deng is so popular that she is now a write-in presidential candidate. If elected, she would be the 1st HIPPOTUS.
Pete Rose died in Las Vegas, what were the odds of that, and did he bet on them?
The WNBA is experiencing lower viewership with Caitlin Clark and the Indiana Fever being eliminated from the playoffs. Said WNBA Commissioner Cathy Engelbert, "We had this crazy notion that basketball fans would be interested in watching all the great players in our league compete for the title. I guess we were mistaken. So next season, we plan to have Caitlin play in all the WNBA games by clearing a spot on all the teams' rosters for her."
Things I Think I Thought
I think that the thought of weightlessness defies gravity.
I think that gravy is a cover-up for bad cooking.
I think that people who are on the executive board of a swim club should be referred to as Cabana-net members.
I think that musicians gossip by passing musical notes around.
I think mortgage bankers are the kind of people in a swimming pool who like to float a loan.
I agree with people who are against participation trophies to kids but also think that we really have to stop giving 'participation certificates' to people for things like birth, marriage, and death.
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