Joke Pile #447

 

Groaner of the week: The Shakespearian Roofing Company is running a 2-for-1 promotion on their best  "Aex" shingles. If you and your neighbor choose to get your homes roofed, you will have Apex on both of your houses. 

Summer Groaner: It is so hot around here that we use the Scoville Scale instead of a thermometer to measure the heat.

Groan and bare it: The rowing crew was losing its heats and the coach thought it was because the rowers were too heavy. The assistant coach pointed out that the captain who steered the team was too tall and might add too much wind resistance and said "I think the crew will do better with a little coxswain."

Things I Think I Thought:

I think that when musician Johnny Rivers started dying his hair so it wouldn't gray he turned into a secret aging man.

I think that almost everyone thinks that things used to be better except for those who experienced the worst things.

I think that the things that are most difficult for us to understand happen beneath bleachers.

I think that when people are left to their own devices, they better hope they don't need tech support.

I think that a thumbprint is a whorl unto itself.

I think that stepping on wet cat barf is a true test of how much you love your cat."

I think it is better to optimized than epitomized. 

I think that if astronomers study asteroids, then polymers must study parrots.

I thought I had an idea run through my head, but it turned out it had just slipped down a rabbit hole. 

I think that some people enjoy A.A. Milne's books, whereas I think of them as Pooh-rile.