Joke Pile #440

After a bit of early-onset summer ennui I am now officially back from a joke-writing hiatus.  As you loyal readers may have guessed, I have quite a number of things I think I thought along the way:

I think I thought that it is time to keep both convicted felons and/or super seniors out of the political wading pool before we all drown!

I think I thought that "family vacations" should mean time away from them. 

I think I thought that if you made it to 90, you were a nonagenarian and if you didn't, you were a none-genarian.

I think I thought that good, farmer's market, 'artisanal' bread = $20 a loaf bread.

I think I thought that valet parking should actually be called 'wallet' parking.

I think I thought that parking apps are so plentiful that no matter where you are, you never have the right one.

I think that Crocs are ugly and that is the Crocs of the issue for me in not having any.

I think I thought that some art museums have lost their way. Now there is more art on display in the gift shops than in the galleries.

I think I thought that turbulence is the only thing that is democratic on a commercial airline.

I think I thought that any time you say something in jest, you should face either of the coasts--to be "face-sea-tious."

I think I thought that I have ulterior motives except when I had a hidden agenda.

I think I thought that there are so many fees when you rent a car why not an inconvenience fee?

I think I thought that Kentucky is known for bourbon and horseracing, but not the two simultaneously. I guess the jockeys can't hold their riding crops and their liquor at the same time.

I think I thought that marital counseling has its 'marits."

I think I thought that when you banish a thought, you also vanish a thought.

I think I thought a vicious rumor was the kind that came back to bite you.

I think I thought that closing a boarder off must be hard for a landlord.

I think I thought that all the simple solutions have been used up. On the other hand, there is plenty of simple syrup to go around.

I think I thought my newt is minute.

I think I thought do disc jockeys ever wish Tom Petty's song "Don't Come Around Here No More" didn't?

I think I thought which came first etymologically, the flabber or the ghasted? And also, how frustrating it must have been to figure out.

I think I thought that when they were coming up with potential "Cup O...'" combinations that "Cup O' Poodles" didn't make the cut.

I think I thought that if they ever did have a Hawaiian party for the Looney Toons, a Porky Pig Roast might be hosted by Jeff Ross.

I think I thought that it was high time we quit weight-shaming Humpty Dumpty and start shaming him for the clumsy œuf he really is.

I think I thought that if corn was ever really as high as an elephant's eye, it would take a sky crane to harvest it.

I think I thought that ducks prefer downheaval to upheaval.

I think I thought that living "in sin" could lead to insinuation (or like in the old days--incineration).

I think I thought that when it comes down to it for playwrights, all plays are word play.

I also think I thought that playwrights are all work and not always a play.

I think I thought that Haley Joel Osment sees dad jokes walking around like regular jokes.