In "honor" of the NCAA tournament, March Sadness and the inevitable cliches...
March Sadness: Unofficial NCAA March Madness announcer riffs (Things you wish they'd say)
"It's all over except for the scouting."
"That team gave 110% until they lost."
"If they played this way all season, they'd be studying for their finals now."
"Overtime marches on."
"It's true what they say, 'The loudest crowd wins.'"
"They play 'lights out' like they're shooting in the dark."
"The best defense is a defense that stops their offense."
"They are hitting on no cylinders."
"They would have won with an extra day off; as it was, they were lack-a-day-sical."
"Final Fours are for closers."
"Explosive players blow up in big games!"
"Hit the one and one or be one and done."
"If they could have moved the basket, more of their air balls would have hit!"
"There is no 'win' in losing, but there is in whining!"
"They operated like a well-oiled machine. Unfortunately, it was a loser machine."
"He may see the whole floor but his passes miss his teammates by a mile."
"They bobbled the ball so much it was like they were going for the juggler."
"They play an exiting brand of basketball."
"They've kept them out of the paint but unfortunately not off the scoreboard."
"With the team down by 40 going into the last quarter, this is not looking so much like a blowout as a comb-over."
"They are playing above the rim, but still failing to get the ball through the net."
"They are known for playing well without the ball but it would help if they could just hang on to it."
"The boards dominated them."
"They are on fire and that explains why they're being smoked by the other team."
"They are getting some great open looks. Unfortunately, looks are deceiving."
"She's usually money but she's playing like loose change."
"The charity stripe hasn't been very philanthropic tonight."
"These two teams are pumped more than Hans and Franz."
"Their shots are falling alright, just not through the basket."
"They can't buy a basket but it looks like they rented a referee."
"The last time I saw that much dribbling, it was from a baby during feeding time."
"They have clanked the rim so much that their shooting hasn't been just anemic...it's been iron-poor."
"At this point, throwing up bricks would be an improvement."
"For this to be a two-possession game, they need to get a possession."
"You can't let them have those easy buckets. In fact, you shouldn't let them have the hard ones either."
"That shot by their big man wasn't just blocked, it was return-to-center-ed."
"He took the charge like an iPhone."
"That wasn't a great no-look pass, it was a no-thought one though."
"She draws more fouls than a chicken farmer at feeding time."
"That player wasn't just hacked, he was Ginzu-ed."
"The only thing he drained was his team's hopes of winning."
"As ugly as this game was, the refs shouldn't have let them just play."
"Everyone is getting in on the act... of losing."
"That shot by her was beyond a logo three, that was a loco three!"
"You could have chilled your beer on their ice-cold shooting percentage."
"I'm not sure the team played a great game, but their fans sure prayed a great one."
"This game is an instant classic in how not to play basketball."
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