Joke Pile #431

 Wearing of the grin and other things I think I thought...

A sad leprechaun walks into a bar and says "I'll have a Guinness and a pot of gold, please." The bartender says, "No problem on the Guinness, but pardon me for saying, but aren't you the one who is supposed to have a pot of gold?" The leprechaun says, "Look now, Sonny Jim, have you been out there lately? What kind of chance does a wee man such as meself have when he's walking around after dark with a pot of gold? I got mugged. I really need that Guinness." 

What's the difference between a lamb and a lamprey? A lamprey is more religious. I mean have you ever seen a lamb pray?

St. Patrick was known for having driven the snakes out of Ireland, but did you ever wonder how they got there in the first place?

If a steer tells Dad jokes, does that make him corn-y beef?

Iowa women's basketball coach Lisa Bluder was asked if her team stands a chance to win the NCAA championship. She said, "Let me three-peat myself...yes."

Things I think I thought...

I think I thought that Cybil Shepard being arrested for protesting a war would be an act of Cybil disobedience.

I think I thought do doors get their wings when a doorbell rings?

I think I thought that people named Les probably could get away with buying all their groceries in a "12 items or Less" line.

I think I thought that if there are a bunch of spooky ghosts in the room and I scream and you scream, it may not be for ice cream.

I think I thought that if Tinkerbell had a less smart brother he would be called Dumbbell.

I think I thought that a good category to add to the Oscars would be for stickiest movie theater floor.

I think I thought that every time a gambler is confronted for being excessive they say "wanna bet?"

I think I thought that if Kenny Rogers had been an Origami instructor he would have said, "You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."

I think I thought do referees get paid time and a half when a game goes into overtime? 

I think I thought that if you play one of those online short videos backward, would that called a KotKit?

I think I thought is there such a thing as being stone warm sober?

I think I thought in Vidalia, GA do they have an annual state of the onion address?