Joke Pile #420

 

Things I think I thought about the holiday season...so far

I think that Hanukkah is good for the odd-sized, very specific candle industry.

I think that Black Friday sales should actually be over on Black Friday.

I think that "free shipping" is a misnomer. It should be called "Buy a lot of stuff and we'll give you 5% off and call it free shipping."

I thought that going on a diet this month was a good idea. I think that is called wishful thinking. Maybe something I should asked Santa for?

I think that the deer in my neighborhood are freaking out by the life-sized lit up deer displays. I suspect they think their cousins are being set on fire.

Out of fairness, I think that there should be a regulation-sized stocking for stuffing. 

I think that letters to Santa should not require postage. On the other hand, I think the elves should have to pick them up instead of a USPS employee.

I think that online shopping should only be done for people who are your Insta or Facebook friends.

I think that Santa deserves a spa day after Christmas.

I think the real Hanukkah miracle is that more Christian folks don't convert to Judaism just for the extra 7 night of gifts.

I think the other miracle is that more Jewish folks don't convert to Christianity to take advantage of Advent, the twelve days of Christmas, and St. Lucia's Day.  

I think that holiday lights are a great reminder to take advantage of level-billing from your local electric company.

I think that rampant consumerism could easily be curbed except not during the holiday season.

I think that "layaway" should be called "layawake" because that's what I do when I try to imagine how I'm going to pay for all these gifts!

I think that fruitcake was invented by people who hate both fruit and cake.

I think that the holidays are like the NBA in-season tournament. Bringing less joy than one would imagine and enriching the wrong folks.