Joke Pile #415

 

An Election Day selection for your introspection and dissection...

If you donated to a campaign, this is the day to see the return on your investment. 

Some people vote out of habit, like nuns who don't want to be castigated by parishioners.

Some candidates have so little to offer that their campaign theme song should be "Running On Empty",

Clickbait: How many people does it take to screw in a voting booth? The answer may surprise you.

What kind of jewelry do county election auditors wear? Election earrings!

Non-presidential election days: The elections where  8-15% of voters decide how mad they are at their school boards and/or city councils members.

Quote spotted on a t-shirt: "I voted and all I got was this lousy 'I Voted' sticker."

The best way to make friends is to run for a public office. It is also the quickest way to make lifelong enemies.

Remember the vote you save may be your own.

Some people don't have the energy to vote. I call that Electile Dysfunction.

Tonight, somewhere in America, there will be a candidate's significant other who is breathing a sigh of relief that their partner lost an election.

And finally...

Reasons to vote in-person:

1. To mingle with the elderly poll workers who won't get to pee for 8-10 hours.

2. Because, really, when was the last time you were in a school gym voluntarily?

3. Come for the voting, stay for the folks challenging your vote!

4. To remind yourself that you're much more attractive than your driver's license picture.

5. To take in the aromas of the school cafeteria.

6. Remember it is your civic duty, not your civic doody.

7. Because a bunch of people you won't pay attention to after today have worked really hard to be abused by the handful of people who will pay attention to them after today.

8. Because it is Tuesday, you can vote and still eat tacos! It's a win-win.

9. To gain the moral highroad when you get into a fight with a family member on
Thanksgiving. "Well, at least I voted, Uncle Damon, so sit down!"

10. It is far less excruciating than a full-body waxing.

11. You may make a legitimate difference. Not likely, but it COULD happen.