Joke Pile #411

 

An old fellow goes to see the doctor. "My wife tells me I can't hear so well," the crabby codger says. The doctor replies "It sounds like we ought to do a hearing test on you." The old fellow replies, "Don't bother, I can just fine, but after 59 years together, I don't want her to know that."

A quarreling couple goes to a restaurant. The server says "May I start you two off with some drinks?" The wife says "I'll have a gin and tonic, but he might need something stronger, preferably with arsenic in it."