Joke Pile #401

 Things I thought this month...

I think the indigenous people of North America would have been less generous with the pilgrims if they knew that they were bringing smallpox for Thanksgiving.

I think Thanksgiving is made up of foods that no one wants to eat for the rest of the year.

I think the only thing missing from pumpkin pie is pumpkin spice.

I think there are very few things that you can name that taste good coming from a bog.

I think that if you keep changing your name, it either makes you a rap artist or a fugitive.

I think that landlines and land mines are not that far removed, and I hate it when either of them blows up.

I think "we'll transfer you to customer service" is not a service at all, but a passive-aggressive act.

I think caller ID is overselling itself when it doesn't include "definitely a scam".

I think answering machines and voicemail just need to get a room already.

I think that highway travel is the very best way to see how well your bladder is working.

I think that rental cars with radar-assisted following distance features are going to get someone killed when they take you from 70 to 45 mph in under a second.

I think it is impossible to know who your friends are if you are a cannibal.

I think minutia is a big thing if you like small things.

I think inertia is increasingly working you over as you get older.

I think everyone has an "inner child", but I think mine is always hungry so I call him my "dinner child".

I think All Fridays Matter.

I think that Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday need to switch places and would probably help out a few more people.

I think if I were "woke", I'd be glad I hadn't woken up on the wrong side of history.I think that the idea of lava coming out of a volcano is cool, but actual lava coming out of an actual volcano would make you question living near one.

I think that if a soccer match is being used as a surrogate for diplomacy, we are all in serious trouble. Also, go Cameroon?

I thought giving thanks was uncontroversial unless it was for the Jews.

I thought being a Jew would give me a license for the above statement.

I think that Merriam-Webster naming "gaslighting" the word of the year is a fine example of gaslighting.