Joke Pile #371

 

I think dogs are man's best friend because men are incapable of having healthy human friendships.

Also, I think dogs need to learn how to use their words.

I think cats are the aliens we've been looking for all these years.

I think that when the cats take over, everything is going to smell like a catbox.

Fish are the worst pets to have unless you like to have Godlike control over another creature's destiny.

I think that award shows have proven that some really awful people can look really good in designer wear.

I think that if there was an award show for bus drivers, school bus drivers would always be named "Best Bus Driver Who Didn't Murder a Passenger."

I think that drinking fountains are misnamed. I have never gotten a gin and tonic from a single one of them.

I think that some people tell you to do things too often and don't know when to stop. I also think I'm married to one of them.

I think that if you have an outdoor concert venue and don't allow people to dance in the aisles, you are asking for trouble because that means those who come to dance will be dancing in front of the people who just want to watch the show. You do the math.

I think that birthdays are always welcomed, as long as you have friends you want to see.