Riddled with humor...
Q: What is the difference between a professional baseball game and tonight's Field of Dreams game?
A: In professional baseball, the Cubs and the Reds are a nightmare. Tonight, they are the dream.
Q: When is the best time to take a vacation?
A: No time...like the present!
Q: What's the difference between a medical and a legal opinion?
A: With a medical one, you can ask for a second, for a legal one, you may get a majority of nine.
Q: Which is better for you, a firm pillow or a soft mattress?
A: It depends on whether someone is trying to suffocate you or sleep with you.
Q: Which is smarter, a smartphone or a smart TV?
A: A smartphone because while you charge it, it charges you!
Q: How do you know when a plant nurseryman is a compulsive gambler?
A: Not only will a compulsive gambler hedge their bet, but they will bet their hedge.
Q: How is an Omaha beauty queen like a burnt filet mignon?
A: One is Miss Steak and the other is a mistake.
Q: What is the difference between champions and people who quilt?
A: Quilters never prosper and winners never quilt!
Q: When do you know it is time to quit?
A: Now seems about right.
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