Today the wisecracking lens focuses on sports
Bowling is to sports as arm wrestling is to war.
Hockey: The sport with all the grace and beauty of figure skating with 80% less teeth.
Field Hockey: More teeth and less excitement than ice hockey.
Lacrosse: Think of it as field hockey with more people dressed like goalies.
Water Polo: More like water soccer.
Polo: A sport where the horses are fancy and the riders are financiers.
Running: something that we used to do for survival.
Baseball is a sport where people run around in their pajamas and the most excitement they experience is going home.
Football is a sport where you become less intelligent the more you play it.
Squash: is that a sport or a vegetable?
Golf is called a sport, but it is more of a gentleman's agreement.
Soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Why?
Swimming: A sport where having a stroke is a good thing.
Synchronized Swimming: Not so much swimming as prancing while in the water.
Wrestling: 50% amateur and real, 50% professional and fake.
Diving: A sport where you hurl yourself off the edge and instead of dying, people hold up scorecards.
Tennis: The sport where a bunch of people with too much time on their hands watches you while you try to keep a ball in play over several hours.
Sailing is not a sport, it is an investment.
Mountaineering is a death wish masquerading as sport.
Badminton is tennis on a volleyball court while beating a dead bird.
Horseracing: a sport where the horse does all the work while the person on its back critiques it.
Volleyball: A sport that can be played on land or beach, the advantage goes to the players who don't end up with sand in their cracks.
Darts: a pub game that has all the rigor of bowling.
Triathlons: the answer to the question "what are three things all children should know how to do for survival?"
Luging: A sport that roughly imitates a turd being flushed down the toilet.
Bobsledding: See 'luging' x 2 or 4.
Curling: Winter Olympic version of a participation trophy.
Speedskating: People with a vinyl fetish on skates.
Ski Jumping: A sport invented after a bad skiing experience.
Skateboarding is not so much a sport as what bored teenagers do to inventively break bones.
Boxing: A societally-acceptable form of assault and battery.
Mixed Martial Arts: Boxing for people who can't remember the rules.
Martial Arts: Skills many people claim to have until you fight back.
Karate: A sport where the belts don't matter, but you would never tell someone that.
Judo: Apparently, how some dyslexic people spell 'dojo.'
Parkour: A sport for people who like to trespass creatively.
Comments
Post a Comment