Joke #353

 Today the wisecracking lens focuses on sports

Bowling is to sports as arm wrestling is to war.

Hockey: The sport with all the grace and beauty of figure skating with 80% less teeth.

Field Hockey: More teeth and less excitement than ice hockey.

Lacrosse: Think of it as field hockey with more people dressed like goalies.

Water Polo: More like water soccer.

Polo: A sport where the horses are fancy and the riders are financiers.

Running: something that we used to do for survival.

Baseball is a sport where people run around in their pajamas and the most excitement they experience is going home.

Football is a sport where you become less intelligent the more you play it.

Squash: is that a sport or a vegetable?

Golf is called a sport, but it is more of a gentleman's agreement.

Soccer is the most popular sport in the world. Why?

Swimming: A sport where having a stroke is a good thing.

Synchronized Swimming: Not so much swimming as prancing while in the water.

Wrestling: 50% amateur and real, 50% professional and fake.

Diving: A sport where you hurl yourself off the edge and instead of dying, people hold up scorecards.

Tennis: The sport where a bunch of people with too much time on their hands watches you while you try to keep a ball in play over several hours.

Sailing is not a sport, it is an investment.

Mountaineering is a death wish masquerading as sport.

Badminton is tennis on a volleyball court while beating a dead bird.

Horseracing: a sport where the horse does all the work while the person on its back critiques it.

Volleyball: A sport that can be played on land or beach, the advantage goes to the players who don't end up with sand in their cracks.

Darts: a pub game that has all the rigor of bowling.

Triathlons: the answer to the question "what are three things all children should know how to do for survival?"

Luging: A sport that roughly imitates a turd being flushed down the toilet.

Bobsledding: See 'luging' x 2 or 4.

Curling: Winter Olympic version of a participation trophy.

Speedskating: People with a vinyl fetish on skates.

Ski Jumping: A sport invented after a bad skiing experience.

Skateboarding is not so much a sport as what bored teenagers do to inventively break bones.

Boxing: A societally-acceptable form of assault and battery.

Mixed Martial Arts: Boxing for people who can't remember the rules.

Martial Arts: Skills many people claim to have until you fight back.

Karate: A sport where the belts don't matter, but you would never tell someone that.

Judo: Apparently, how some dyslexic people spell 'dojo.'

Parkour: A sport for people who like to trespass creatively.