Joke #350

 Friday Funnies: Iowa-centric Edition

It may come as a surprise that deez nuts are from Deez Moines.

Whenever you feel uptight, remember to Oskaloosa-n up.

Ottumwa is the "City of Bridges" and fortunately, all of them get you out of Ottumwa.

I don't know if this is true or not, but the town of Mount Pleasant is said to have been named by a lonely farmer who had a horse named Pleasant and in his neediest moments he liked to mount...Pleasant.

If you are ever in Iowa, you will see signs that greet you with "Iowa --- Fields of Opportunities", but it should read "Iowa, the vegetative state."

It is a point of pride for politicians to say that they have visited all 99 counties, what they don't say is they don't live in any of them.

I don't know why there is a city called Davenport, but "sofa" it has stuck.

The Quad Cities should be called the Four Cities, because you'd have to fours me to live in any of them.

A lot of famous people are from Iowa, the operative being they are FROM Iowa, they don't live here.

In Iowa, it is customary to waggle your index finger if you pass someone on a country road. In other places, it is more customary to waggle your middle one.

Iowans are proud of their farming heritage, that's why plaid is their favorite color.

There is a rivalry between the state colleges, the Hawkeyes and the Cyclones. The Cyclone fans think they are better, but they have that twistered. The Hawkeye fans know that the bird is the word.

Iowa is considered to be a red state, but that is only because so many people are embarrassed by our governor.

If you are in Iowa, be sure to see the world's largest ball of popcorn in Sac City. Yes, the world's largest popcorn ball does fit in a Sac.

Strawberry Point naturally has the world's largest strawberry sitting atop the City Hall. The locals would prefer it to be a raspberry to better represent how they feel about their city council.

What Cheer is also the question that most travelers ask when they visit this Iowa town. The locals answer them "nothing, keep moving."

There is no truth that Newton, Iowa was named after a Nabisco fig cookie plant,

Grinnell College students do have a day that they dedicate to public nudity. To promote it, they wear t-shirts that read "Grinnell and Bare It!"

The University of Northern Iowa's team name is the Pant Hers, excuse me, I'm told it is actually the Panthers!

Upper Iowa University in Fayette is home to the Peacocks which came from the school colors peacock blue and white. If you've ever been in Fayette, Iowa in the winter you'd know why the peacock turned blue--it's REALLY cold!

Iowa has a lot of towns that should be called cities and a lot of cities that should be called towns, that is why you know that Iowans are either optimistic or just don't spend much time near a dictionary.

Iowa was admitted into the union in 1846 as the 29th state. Ever since Iowa has been trying to kill off the union.

Iowa was initially misspelled 'Iwao' but a keen editor on a restroom break noticed the error and saved the day with a well-timed vowel moment.

Missouri is the "Show Me" state and since it sits on top of it, Iowa is the "Oh Yeah, Well I'll Show You" state.

People in Iowa are thought of as "nice" in the same way a cobra is thought to be a good cuddler.

This time of year, people in Iowa are looking forward to the state fair and all the great food. The only thing you can't get on a stick there is a COVID test.

Iowa has some much wind power that we elect it and send it to Washington, D.C.

Iowa has more pigs than people, but you'd find it hard to tell them apart.

Iowans are self-deprecating, they don't know what that means, otherwise, they'd 'take it personal'.

Iowans call carbonated beverages 'pop'--at least the ones who have been home-schooled and been told that's how pregnancy works do.

Iowans like that we are the first in the nation to caucus. In fact, many Iowans look forward to these occasions or as they refer to them as 'Caucasions'.

I'm not saying Iowa lacks diversity, but many Iowans think that DEI is a fancy outdoors store in Wisconsin.

In Iowa, it is common to see stickers that say "ANF" which stands for "Another Nebraska Farm".

Iowa leads the nation in corn, pork, and eggs in the US. In fact, farmers are the only Iowans who are okay with abortion as long as it is a chicken embryo.

Thanks to great teaching, Iowans have one of the highest rates of high school completion in the country. However, because it is Iowa, teachers are paid less than 21 other states because we don't want teachers to get too full of themselves.