Joke #341

 The subject is: Children (Trigger warning: some of these are "edgy")

Most people think that having children will bring them joy, but for those of us who have been one know that's not right.

I looked at my wife the other day and said, "I think I'm forgetting something." She said, "That we are happy we didn't have kids?"

I am not against children and that's a good thing. That type of behavior puts you in prison!

I'm not saying all kids are a problem, it's just the ones who grow out of their clothes.

Seriously, some of the best people I know are children, or at least they act like them.

With global warming, war, inflation, and political divisiveness, why would you NOT want to bring a child into this world just for the entertainment value?

When I was a kid, my mom would let us play until it got dark. I think she was hoping we would be eaten by wolves.

I have a lot of compassion for most kids, but do you the kids I have none for? Yours.

In the old days, many kids worked in deplorable conditions, now they just live in them.

I got to thinking how hard it must be to grow up in the White House, but then I realized most presidents don't.

I think people who say that they want children of their own, should start with other people's kids. However, I think you should ask first.

Seriously, it is a confusing time to be a child. I mean moms are marrying moms and dads are marrying dads--how do you know which one to take the most advantage of?

I wonder how many moms and dads seeing one of those internet memes saying "We Will Adopt Your Baby" have thought "We're keeping our baby, but how about our three-year-old?"

People say, "why are you so down on children?" I'm not. I just know what kind of jerks that they can grow up to be. (Yes, I'm talking to you members of the Supreme Court).

Finally, when you think about it, it isn't a picnic to be a child in this country. People are always telling you what to do, how to dress, and what to think. With that type of treatment, you'd think they were members of a cult!