Weather-related Wisecracks
It was so windy last night. How windy was it? It was so windy that my wife's panties were not only in a twist but in a twister!
It rained so much the other week that I called Noah's rent-an-ark, just in case.
Yesterday it was 102 degrees which made it only 52 degrees less hotter than hell.
I had a PTSD experience, I woke up to hearing the loud pelting of hail. The last time I heard something like that, it was when I was bombing doing stand-up!
It has been so hot for so long in some parts of the world that they no have heatwaves, they have heat tsunamis!
Global climate change is making countries rethink their names. For instance, Greenland is thinking of changing its name to Brownland and Iceland is considering Waterland.
They call August the dog days of summer, my dog calls August "woof".
It was so hot at Wrigley Field that they actually passed out fans on "Fan Appreciation Day."
My air conditioning in my car stopped working, boy was I hot under the collar, the armpits, the seatback...
Definition of a weatherperson: A person whose job you probably could do, but wouldn't want to have because everyone would hate you.
I used to date a girl who would only see me when the weather was nice. She was a fair-weathered girlfriend.
I was in Jamaica and asked a local when the weather would change and he said "Mon, soon." Imagine my surprise when it was torrentially raining and I realized he was warning me of a "monsoon."
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