Joke Pile #331

 Tuesdays are always thinking days for me. Or so I think.

I wonder if construction workers who start their jobs at the crack of dawn in residential neighborhoods are passive-aggressive or just mean-spirited?

I think that droning noise is nature's way of saying you've done enough thinking for now.

If I could make a wish, I would wish for unlimited wishes.

If a tree falls in a forest, is it because another tree tripped it?

I have an overactive thyroid and an undeveloped sense of self. But, on the whole, I think I'm pretty much average.

Everybody wants to rule the world, but nobody wants to take out the trash or pick up their clothes.

I thought that when I grew up, all of the mysteries of life would reveal themselves--instead, the only revealing happening is by the bathroom mirror and it is saying I need to drop quite a few pounds.

I wonder how homily and hominy feel about being stuck so close together in the dictionary? 

To own a bar, you need a liquor license, but you don't need a lick her license to be a dog.

Why do you need a pet license? Most animals are really happy if you pet them voluntarily.

I think that fish make lousy pets. If you take them for a walk, they run out of breath too fast.

I think that some trees need to practice better birth control, they spread their seeds everywhere and even the Arbor Day Foundation can't get all their offspring adopted.

I wonder what the first sin a cardinal commits is called?

If you grow up in a family of priests, is everything preordained?

I think that all the good ideas have already been taken. I have a pretty good idea of who has them and they have some idea that I know.

I have seen a lark and I have seen larkspurs. What I haven't seen is the horse that a lark needs larkspurs for.

I don't doubt myself for a second. I doubt myself for every waking moment of life.

When Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, did he have an egg-istential crisis?