Two schoolgirls were chatting at lunch. "Brenda, remember when you told me you were dating a cute older guy?"
"Sure, Vivianne. He was so nice, a gentleman and made me want to ...you know."
"By any chance did he drive a two-door red Corvette?"
"Yes, Viv, with black leather interior--it was dreamy. We'd make out in it and ...you know."
"I know. And Brenda, by any chance, did he dress in black clothes a lot?"
"Why yes, Viv, he was really handsome all dressed up in black like that. It made me want to... you know."
"Yes, I know. Oh, Brenda, and did he take you to any place special on your Friday night dates?"
"Well, now that you mention it, he did. It was kind of cute. We get take-out food and then he drives to the back of the Baptist church and we eat at the picnic table. And then we'd make out and ...you know."
"Viv, believe me, I know. That older guy" is the Youth Minister and he is my brother!"
It was Saturday night at the neighborhood bar and Glen was getting his drink on alone. A guy stumbles into the bar and barely can manage to get on the barstool next to him shouting "Barkarp, your bast whiskers and keep 'em comin."
Glen was not much for conversation, but he couldn't help notice the man's "condition".
"Do you think you should be drinking like that? Looks like you're already pretty drunk," Glen said.
The many looked at Glen like he was at least two people and said, "Well, thangs fer yore conthern, buddy, but ah got ma rea-rea-sons. Mah wife left me fer sum odder man."
Glen said, "Sorry to hear that, that is a tough thing. I can understand why you'd want to get drunk."
"Nah, buddy, Ahm always drunk, but the odder feller mah wife left me fer was mah dare ol' dad and ahm celebratin'--bedder him than me!"
It is Sunday morning and Father McIntire sees his favorite parishioners Joe, Jim, and Jerry at the local coffee shop before morning mass. "Good morning, Father," all three exclaim as he passes by. Father McIntire says, "Well, good morning boys. What are the chances I'll be seeing you at church this morning?"
Joe says, "Sorry Father, I volunteered to work this morning at the soup kitchen to feed the hungry."
Father McIntire says, "Joe, that is a wonderful thing, God and I completely understand."
Jim chimes in, "Father, I can't make it either. I'm volunteering to read to elderly people at the nursing home."
Father McIntire says, "Jim, that is so kind of you. God and I appreciate you for doing that. And Jerry, will I be seeing you at church?"
Jerry says, "No, I'm going fishing. But, I'll be there next week and that is more than I can say than these two liars,"
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